>From denis Thu Apr 14 10:42:21 1988 remote from gec-rl-hrc
Date:     Thu, 14 Apr 88 10:42:06 BST
From:     denis@gec-rl-hrc
To:       denis
Message-ID:  <8804141042.aa03600@lemon.gec-rl-hrc.co.uk>

Path: hrc63!root44!stc!ukc!dcl-cs!nott-cs!abc
From: abc@cs.nott.ac.uk (Andy Cheese)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,eunet.jokes,misc.misc
Subject: Examination
Message-ID: <965@robin.cs.nott.ac.uk>
Date: 5 Apr 88 16:48:18 GMT
Reply-To: abc@cs.nott.ac.uk (Andy Cheese)
Distribution: world
Organization: Computer Science, Nottingham Univ., UK.
Lines: 88
Xref: hrc63 eunet.jokes:257 misc.misc:2321

General Certificate of Education

Christmas Studies
(Ordinary Level)

25th December; 12.00 - 3.00

The following equipment should be brought into the examination room:
   (a) Dictionary
   (b) Glass of Sherry
   (c) 2 Mince Pies
   Cigars are optional.

All questions carry equal marks but credit will be given for cheating.

Scripts for assessment should be returned to the examiners by the Twelfth
Day of Christmas.
No fees, no failures, certificates to all candidates.


1. MATHS

The Earth is 8,000 miles in diameter, Calculate how many six foot lengths of
Woolworth's tinsel you would need to wrap up the world for Christmas. Whom
would you give it to ?

2. ENGLISH

Imagine that you are writing the Queen's Christmas broadcast.
Complete the following sentences:
(a) "My husband and I, in this season of joy ..."
(b) "As we gather with our families ..."
(c) "Today we join with the people of the Commonwealth ..."

3. PHYSICAL EDUCATION

"While sheperds watched their flocks by night". Who provided the floodlights
for this occasion ?. Explain why flock watching is not recognised by the 
Olympic Committee as a competitive sport.

4. DOMESTIC SCIENCE (Answer either (a) or (b))

(b) List 10 different festive dishes that you might prepare from selected cuts
    of reindeer.
(b) Explain the method by which you would prepare "Stir-fry reindeer chunks 
    with bean sprouts" in your new wok.

5. HISTROY

"Herod was a bit of a wally."
How far is this a fair summing up of ancient Roman Imperialism ?

6. CHEMISTRY

C2H5OH + O2 = Falling off pavements.
Explain.

7. WOODWORK.

Joseph the Carpenter was a busy man.
Explain why Dutch Elm disease did not have any effect on his trade.

8. PHYSICS

Explain why stars twinkle. How might a knowledge of the Doppler Effect add to
our understanding of the Three King's arrival at Herod's Court.

9. BIOLOGY

Make notes on the following :-
(a) Virgin births
(b) Cattle in the nursery - a health hazard ?

10. NEEDLEWORK

Did the Virgin Mary do needlework at school ? How does this question help us
understand why the baby Jesus was wrapped in "swaddlin clothes" as opposed to
(a) lambswool layette
(b) smocked Christening robe
(c) wrapping paper

11. SOCIAL STUDIES

karl Marx wrote that "religion is the opiate of the people", but he still knew
how to have a good time at Christmas.
Justify.
-- 
Andy Cheese