Dear Ms. Wheeler, Your name has been passed to us by the Credit Brokers Association, debt collection department. In view of your present financial circumstances, we thought it might be appropriate to tell you about the rather special service which we offer. We hope you will not mind. When our company was set up, last October, it had come to the attention of our founder that many people were having trouble handling their personal finances and were getting heavily into debt. Many of them were resorting to desperate means to try to solve their problems, some even took their own lives. It was to help this last group that our company was started. It is a sad fact that some people feel that their only course of action is to throw their life away, to waste it in a pointless act of self destruction. We think we can provide a better way. Through our contacts with the waste disposal and poultry industries, we can arrange to have your body squished up and fed to the ducks. How much better, I'm sure you'll agree, to have your sad demise handled by experts using the latest hi-tech squishing machinery and to go, happy in the knowledge that your former problems, which once seemed so insurmountable, will soon be just so much duck guano. Don't delay ! Send off the attached form today and soon you and the ducks will all be much happier ! _____________________________________________________________________________ Please squish me up and feed me to the ducks. I would like a commemorative urn of duck guano to be sent to (name and address): ------------------------------ PS: Please tick below if you would like to receive our free information packs about some of our alternative schemes: [] Left to rot and turned into alcohol. [] Rolled out flat and used as toilet paper. [] Minced up for use in MacDonalds hamburgers.